Author Archive for Ethan



***Dispatch from Fairfield, Iowa***

I awoke to Alan and Cat searching Lonnie’s place.

“So if I a reach the gravel road I have gone too far,” Alan said with his cell phone to his ear, Lonnie on the other line. “Ok, so I’ll turn around and look for the wind turbines.”

Big Green SummerAfter chasing the wrong wind turbine, we eventually found Lonnie’s place, one of many houses in a small community that has been off the electricity grid for fifteen years. Small turbines whipped around like plane propellers. Solar arrays were spread across the landscape on tops of buildings and on the ground angled south. We greeted Lonnie and walked quickly around the grounds. Inside the barn, drums and various instruments laid out across the loft, a work bench with tools, spare solar panels, about a dozen golf cart interconnected batteries, a dining table in the center and a small classroom and chalkboard. We walked between paths of fruit trees and fennel plants while Lonnie pointed out the pond, Raise the Barnthe rain water showers, and cabins for the Big Green Summer (biggreensummer.com) program. He explained the various ways the community conserves electricity and utilizes the land. Lonnie finished the abbreviated tour and corralled us onto the bus. He had plans to show off the bus and our project around town.

Fairfield is not your typical Iowa town. Two thousand members of the community gather twice a day for transcendental meditation at the two large golden domes at Maharishi University. Founded and named after Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the spiritual guru made famous by his relationship with the Beatles. The school was designed around principles of transcendental meditation, mindfulness, peace, and balance while still having traditional academic disciplines.

We parked outside the dining hall around lunchtime and were soon answering questions. Burkey and I followed Lonnie into the cafeteria for a buffet of vegetarian dishes while Alan, Cat and Paasch remained with the bus to demonstrate to passers by. Students and professors waited in line for organic vegetarian food, most of it grown on university land. Lonnie brought us around to promote the talk we were to give at his home that evening, introducing us to dozens of students, professors and others who were at the University to work or meditate. We finally got a chance to sit down and eat before we took our rounds with the bus so the rest of the crew could enjoy the delicious food.

Field to TableLonnie next took us to a K-12 school in an old brick building a few hundred of yards from the cafeteria. The school taught sustainability as part of the curriculum. The Field to Table program allowed children to grow and eat food form the school’s greenhouses. A little sign read—“Sweet Potatos, 7th grade boys”. We picked some luscious looking chard for dinner and hurried off to our next stop on our tour of Fairfield. We pulled into the parking lot of a local natural foods store, and immediately attracted a crowd of smiling interested people.

“You take donations, right?” Asked a woman wearing jean overalls. She handed us $15 and told us to wait while she went to the ATM for another more. A man named Kim, who meditates for 8 hours a day, offered to buy our food at the grocery store. We gracisouly accepted and grabbed a few snacks before sneaking away down the street for an interview at the local open source radio station.

After a lengthy in depth discussion with Lonnie on the community radio station, we drove next to the home of the local SVO mechanic, then out to a organic farm in the hills that produced the local goat cheese as well as fruits and vegetables from their large greenhouse. Goats and Organic Greenhousechickens ran through grass and Lonnie led us into the big green house with rows eggplants, cherry tomatoes and hallways of bitter melon vine. It felt invigorating to be surrounded by so much life.

“The showers are just as hot, the beers just as cold.”Our last stop before returning to Lonnie’s home for the evening was the Abundance Eco Village. Several homes that were completely energy independant using a combination of wind, photovoltaic, and solar thermal. The normal looking homes use one-tenth of the energy of an average home with a combination of insulation and energy efficient appliances, and rather than pumping valuable water to keep their lawns green, the homes are surrounded by edible plants.

“There’s no silver bullet for achieving sustainability, but what we have is silver buckshot,” said Lonnie.

He let us peak into one of the homes—the interior looked sleek and modern.

“These homes have washers and dryers some have plasma screen TVs. Aside from a little propane for cooking they’re completely energy independent. The showers are just as hot and the beer just as cold as any other home,” Lonnie said.

It was late afternoon when we got back to Lonnie’s. All of us still wide eyed from seeing the amazing possibilities and realities of sustainability. Lonnie went off to meditate leaving us to explore the grounds and join in communal dinner with the students in the Big Green Summer Program. We ate vegetables that some of the students had grown or picked themselves. Hart, one of the students interning at The Big Green Summer Program told us about the program:

“Lonnie started this program so that students could learn about sustainability by living as part of a sustainable community, rather than talking about sustainability while eating snacks from California. A lot of what we do is odd jobs, and learning the skills and doing the physical work it takes to actually do this along with all the classroom stuff.”

Demonstrating our new conversion system.After dinner we gave bus demos as people from the community arrived for our talk. We explained the system and answered questions as the crowd gathered around the bus. Someone asked us about our journey and Lonnie suggested that we move the talk over to a small wooden stage on the hillside in front of the pond with open fields in the background. People poured cups of hot tea, spread blankets, and sat on the grass while Alan and I told sat on the stage with the sun setting behind us. We didn’t have to preach about sustainability If only every venue could be so nice.to this community so we told the story of our journey, the things that we had discovered, the events and people that brought us here to this hillside in Southeastern Iowa. We answered questions and quietly discussed the outlook for sustainability across the country as the moon rose into the purple sky behind us.

Lily Pad FairiesAfterward, we took our big lillipads the little girls gave us to put on our heads and walked the barn to play some music. Lonnie and one student started jamming on bass and guitar. Soon, we were singing, playing drums and guitars.

I decided to sleep on the roof of the bus under the stars until dew soaked me and my blankets. Alan pitched a tent in the grass. Brian and Paasch must have made their way to the bus after more singing and Cat shortly after.

I woke the next morning walked down to the pond for a morning swim. I was soon joined by Alan and Chris, A dip in the morning.both plunging in past the lillipads and the mucky bottom along the shoreline into the deep center. We rinsed off in the outdoor shower and hopped on the bus to visit a budding urban permaculture garden before leaving town.

Urban Permaculture Garden“It’s a work in progress, but eventually it will be nearly self-sustaining. See the grape vines growing up the telephone pole on the sidewalk,” Chris pointed toward twisted vines with unripe grapes hanging. “Here the beans feed nitrogen to corn stalk and the squash grow in the shade below. All these are edible weeds, this one kinda tastes like spinach. It’s great in salads. The bamboo is beginning to grow over there just in behind where the pond will be. The water all comes from the roof, from the rainwater catchment over there,” he pointed to a large tub next to the house.

We marveled at all the plants—annuals and perennials growing together in the small yard.

“Yeah we’re not self sufficient or anything like that, but we produce a lot of fresh food here, nearly all year round. And one day we hope it will be almost running on its own and we can relax do some serious sitting on the stone patio surrounded by all this.”


The Big Green Apple

State Radio Rocks the EarthWe parked the bus next to Grand Central Terminal for the Earth Day Green Apple Music Festival. Brian, Liz and weaved through the crowd of people, walked past the tables of environmental literature and energy saving devices to the stage just in time to see State Radio finish their sound check. “He look like a scientist.”The crowd grew larger and began to move with the beat, but we had to get back to the bus after only a few songs to rendezvous with Cat’s father near Central Park. Jim Hainfeld is a research scientist who has been working on cures for cancer with nanotechnology.

As we crawled through the city in mid-day traffic, Cat told us to keep our eyes peeled for her father.

“He has a white beard and looks like a scientist,” said Cat.

“There he is!”

Cat jumped out of the bus. Stopping traffic, we rushed the two on board, exchanged greetings with her cheerful father and found a parking spot on Central Park next to the fleet of horse drawn carriages.

Cat’s father asked about our vegetable oil system.

“Well the main challenges are dealing with sediment and water in the oil,” I told him.

He thought for just a moment,

“Maybe if the water and sediment were mixed evenly in the oil rather than collecting together it may run smoother. A sonicator would do that. It scrambles all the particles together so you won’t have any large clusters of water or sediment. I may have a spare one somewhere”

“Huh, a sonicator…that was our next idea,” Alan chuckled.

Take a bite.Cat, her father and I strolled the streets looking for a good sandwich. Jim treated us to comically enormous sandwiches at Carnegie Deli. Our bellies full, we met the crew back at the bus and picked up Arrow for celebratory cruise around the city. With Arrow behind the wheel of his former bus, we picked up friends and drove to the temporary site for Tri-State Biodiesel in Williamsburg to pick up some fuel.

In between warehouses.We drove between warehouses and factories and we found a familiar chain link gate, the exact spot where Alan and I first met the bus. Arrow fiddled with the lock to the gate then realized he didn’t have the correct keys. He shrugged and handed us a beer. We played around the streets between warehouses.

Scientist discovers skateboard.Daughter shows dad how it’s done. I stood up from a handstand and saw Cat teaching her father to ride a skateboard. He looked like a scientist trying to ride a skateboard. Cat hopped on the board to show him how it is done. Jim, undaunted by this new contraption, tried, fell, and tried again until he had wrangled a good ride.

Arrow drove the streets of Williamsburg, the hipster haven for poets, artists, punk rockers that he knew so well. We parked in front a pizza shop and bar and were soon joined by a steady stream of curious New Yorkers.

Park and Party.We eventually headed back to East Village and parked the bus on Tompkins Square for the night. It was 4 a.m. Just when we thought the party was winding down, Brian found a group of twenty Brian is a rock star.that wasn’t yet ready to turn in and the bus is once again loaded with people. Instruments and drinks filled every hand. Brian reached for his guitar as another case of Stella Artois appeared on board. We sang and drummed into the early morning.

On top of New York.The next day we ran some errands and relaxed in the park with other East Villagers enjoying a long awaited, beautiful spring day. At sunset, we met Arrow on his rooftop for some music and margaritas. A couple of Arrow’s girlfriends spun their hoola hoops as the sun set on the New York City skyline. Up from the ocean floor.

The next morning we explored some docks by the New York harbor and snuck aboard a sunken ship that had been pulled up from ocean floor, then drove home.

*


Hudson River Valley

Eight hours later than planned, we rolled into Poughkeepsie, NY and laid the bus to rest in the back corner of a large empty commuter parking lot at Duchess Community College. After a few hours of sleep, Alan and I woke early to make final preparations for our Earth Day presentation.

Earth is my home.The local Poughkeepsie media waited for us as we pulled the bus in front of the school. After some quick interviews with a business journal and local cable news station, we hurried inside to deliver our first power-point presentation. Our aim was to provide some context for climate change and peak oil, so we started at the beginning—from the formation of earth, the development of fossil fuels and an oxygen rich atmosphere, to the rise of expansive agriculture and hierarchical civilizations, the industrial revolution, the role of oil in many 20th century military conflicts, the green revolution and the role of fossil fuels in modern food production, up to where we are today, what we can do together to shape the future. And of course, we talked about our bus adventures. “There are two ways to make a diesel engine run on vegetable oil…”After fielding questions, we grabbed some complimentary cafeteria food and returned to the bus to give a demonstration to a “Current Issues” class. The professor appreciated what we were doing and came back later with a big dish of pasta and vegetables.

After too many long weeks of fixing the bus in the cold gray Massachusetts spring, the clouds parted and the temperature topped seventy degrees. Brian and I climbed onto the roof of the bus and banged on the djembes. The beats echoed off the college buildings. For the rest of the afternoon we relaxed on the grass with some interested students and the members of the DCC Bio Club (who made us a plate of cup cakes). We answered questions about the bus and our journey, talked about sustainability, played drums and enjoyed the sunshine.

***

Nearing dusk, Alan, Brian, and Cat went exploring through the woods with Natasha, an environmental science student at DCC. Alan told how they found a river and skipped some rocks. Afterward, Natasha directed us to a small park on the banks of the Hudson River between two bridges where we parked the bus for the night. Alan turned in while Cat, Brian, and I walked up the street to an Irish pub that was open late-night. Brian bought a round of drinks and danced all over a map of Ireland painted on the dark and worn hardwood floor, from County Cork to Donegal. At the top of his game, soon Brian had everyone dancing. Ryan introduced us to Rebecca and her husbandRoger from Peru, who despite his name had the accent and the features of a native Peruvian. He gave us an open invitation to come to his home for ceviche, a dish of citrus marinated fish native to Peru, and offered to guide us to “the new Machu Picchu”—a newly discovered ancient Inca city high in the Peruvian Andes. Maybe, some day.

With Roger and company we returned to the bus. Soon hookah hoses snaked between the hands of new friends and apple scented smoke rings and clouds wafted around the painted ceiling. I woke Alan to join in the christening of our new hookah. He sat up, took a drag, gestured an approving thumbs up, then fell right back into sleep without speaking a word. Cat, Brian, Roger and Roger’s wife Rebecca went for breakfast just before sunrise. I fell onto the futon and slept.

***

The Hudson.When I awoke, Cat had just returned from a morning walk. She hadn’t yet slept. Alan was off wandering somewhere. In bloom.I climbed up to cliffs overlooking the Hudson, and found Alan perched on a rock ledge above the wide muddy colored river. Cat soon wandered up after us. Alan and I ran down the paths in the woods between blankets of new purple flowers then galloped down a grass-covered hill.

***

“We don’t mind gettin’ greasy.”In search of that golden grease that fuels our voyage, we made our way to the Culinary Institute of America (the less infamous CIA). We soon made friends with a group of young chefs who directed us toward a fine vat of grease. They joined us around back as we connected hoses and turned our hand pump. Once the grease started flowing the chefs took turns cranking the pump. Bubba from Mississippi passed around a few bottles of beer and pumped enthusiastically.

“It’s kind of a ritual to come down to the rec-center after classes on Friday to unwind,” Bubba said with a mild Southern drawl. And what better way unwind than spending a sunny afternoon pumping some used vegetable oil to reggae tunes with a troupe of vagabonds.“You got some grease?.  That grease is nice.”

With the tank full, Bubba led me down toward to the river. He had only been living in Hyde Park, for a few months but took interest in getting to know the area.

Bubba on the Hudson.“Over there is the Roosevelt Mansion and further down is Vanderbilt Mansion. Further south downriver is Sing Sing Prison, you know from the gangster movies,” said Bubba pointing down river with his beer bottle.

After taking advantage of the CIA rec-center to exercise and shower, we bid the young chefs goodbye and headed to the Vanderbilt Mansion for sunset.

As I stepped off the bus in a parking lot down the street from the mansion gates, I heard a woman shout from her porch,

“You wanna join us for coffee or tea?”

“We are gonna walk to the Vanderbilt Mansion for sunset,” I responded.

“We’ll be here when after sunset.”

“Well ok then. We’ll see you after sunset,” I shouted back. Alan grabbed his longboard, Cat and Brian grabbed cameras and we were soon walking past a large metal gate between stone walls, down a small valley between hills surrounded by old growth trees, stone bridges over ponds, and the clean cut grass of the Vanderbilt grounds.

Moon rise.At the top of a steep hill sat the huge stone mansion with grand pillars and staircases, wrought-iron balconies, and ornate carvings. We set ourselves overlooking the Hudson River Valley. We relaxed, and played, and watched our shadows grow taller and the light fade over the hills.

***

Debbi enthusiastically welcomed us into “Surviving Sisters” for coffee, exclaiming how they all read about us in the paper and saw us on the news. We sat with Debbie, Carl , and Debbie’s mother, Dotti. Debbie directed Carl to show us his sculptures while she and Dotti prepared the drinks. We walked next door to Carl’s yard which was punctuated with his many sculptures. Carl is a retired mason. He spent much of his retirement in the shed behind the house sculpting from limestone, plaster, and granite.

We returned to the porch of Debbie’s boutique and sipped coffee. Debbie, who at one time was a feisty bartender, radiated energy as she told us how she decided to create “Surviving Sisters.”

“My grandmother died from her fourth heart attack. At age forty-five, I found myself in a hospital bed nearly having died of a heart attack. It was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. It opened my eyes. It showed me life is fragile and life is short. I was afraid of leaving my daughter and mother alone.

“I educated myself about heart disease,” Debbie said with a certainty that she now found the right path in life. “It changed my lifestyle and my habits. I am grateful for the perspective. I appreciate my mother and my daughter even more and do my best to make a better life for them and try to enjoy the time we have together. So I formed this place as a support center for women with heart disease and breast cancer and all women.”

She gave us a tour of Surviving Sisters—past racks of colorful and one of a-kind clothing, jewelry and other unique items. Debbie donates a portion of the profits of her young business to heart disease prevention and awareness organizations.

Debbie had ordered pizza and Carl opened a bottle of his homemade wine. We returned to the front porch. Having heard Debbie’s perspective, I asked Dotti what is best in life,

“Well…I like spaghetti,” replied Dotti.

I asked Carl the same question.

“Family, good friends, good food, wine,” as he raised his glass, “art, just this, sitting on the porch with friends.”

We continued eating and talking as night fell. Brian accidentally called Hyde Park “Poughkeepsie.”

“You are in Hyde Park. Not Poughkeepsie.”

As a group we had made the same mistake twice before and received the same response.

“I used to live in Poughkeepsie, but it’s not the same anymore,” Carl said.

“Is that where you grew up?” I asked.

“No. I grew up in the Bronx then moved to Poughkeepsie. They both are not like they used to be. We used to have a community. The Bronx used to be safe. Sure there were fights sometimes, but the violence today…”

“What do you think happened?”

“It used to have a good Italian community. It isn’t there anymore. I wouldn’t even go back.”

“What are jobs like in Poughkeepsie?”

“The good jobs are gone, and all the people that could, moved out to surrounding towns or somewhere else.”

“Do you have any children?”

We sipped the homemade wine and Carl told me of his children.

“My daughter is married, she lives across town, and my son passed away. Thirty-three years old. He wasn’t just my son, he was my best friend,” Carl said, looking away, looking down with signs of long lingering pain, yet acceptance.

***

Debbie’s fifteen year old daughter, Tammy, returned from the movies and bid goodbyes to all her friends. Now all three generations of single women were at Surviving Sisters together.

“Tammy thinks she isn’t pretty no matter what we tell her. She feels bad about herself.” Debbie began telling Alan and I about her daughter’s struggles with self esteem, high school and teenage life. Tammy stormed out the room expressing her annoyance and embarrassment as her mother unabashedly made her daughters personal issues the center of conversation. Tammy walked back in to hear her mother make another personal comment. “Mom!” Tammy shouted, followed by a big sigh as she flopped back into her chair and stared across the room away from everyone.

Alan and I had many times discussed the bizarre environment and experience of high school, with its warped priorities and values. During an age of dramatic change and insecurity, teenagers are penned in a regimented and stagnant environment of compliance, boredom, and too often vicious social judgment.

“You don’t even realize how crazy it is until you are out and looking back,” I said.

“We escaped and you will too. And I don’t mean just from high school, but from that narrow mindset that goes along with it. I remember people acting with such fear about of other people’s thoughts and judgments. It’s crazy,” Alan said.

We talked for a while about how traveling and exploring not only teach you about the world but teach you about yourself. We spoke of the possibilities out in the world and the possibilities right here and now.

“That’s right, you should listen to this,” Debbie chimed in. Tammy shook her head again this time chuckling in frustration at her mother’s interjections.

“I am listening. Can’t you see that.”

When her mother left the room to show Cat some clothes, Tammy opened up. First came a list of frustrations with her Christian school and the teachers who ridicule her into silence when she questions things about religion or their version of history. Then she told us her creative writing—mostly stories about young girls who are trapped one way or another, and wistfully described her travels to Puerto Rico as if a wall had been knocked down between us.

Surviving Sisters.It was getting late, as Cat leafed through the clothes, Alan, Burkie and I bought the only thing we found in a women’s clothing boutique that would be of use to us: a washboard (though we’ll more often use it for making music than washing clothes). Brian bought a stone necklace for his girlfriend and Cat bought some interesting outfits before we bid farewell to Debbie, Dotti and Tammy and climbed into the bus for the night.


Wading through Junkyards

troll-junk.jpgOn April 9, I celebrated my quarter century birthday wading through junkyards. Alan and I set off in the morning in search of fuel tanks. We walked into the office trailer of the first yard of the day and met a junkyard hand behind the desk. He sat on a stool, his grey t-shirt not quite covering his big belly that hung over his belt, his sparse beard left a shadow on his cheeks and neck. We asked about fuel tanks for the bus. He lifted his eyes from his computer just long enough to tell us that they probably don’t have what we’re looking for, and we’d have to wait until the boss got back for permission to walk through the yard. Alan and I looked at each other and exchanged perplexed looks before making our way toward the door.

As we turned away the man said, “You can try the yard up the road. They got some bigger vehicles that might have what you’re looking for.”

***

tall-stack-of-cars.jpgTwo sets of inquisitive eyes followed us up the driveway. I sent them a smile, called out a greeting, and told them why we had come. The slender man with a long gray beard hanging over his black t-shirt asked what the tanks were for. Alan told the story we had told countless times before about our vegetable oil-powered bus that could use some extra fuel capacity.

“No kiddin’,” said the bearded man. After a pause, he directed us toward some large fuel tanks in the back of the boneyard.

We walked down rows of rusting decrepit cars, some stacked into piles, like a hasty mass burial.

“This is not a junkyard, this is a graveyard,” Alan said.

rusted-old-car.jpg

We found the tanks right where the bearded man said they would be, but they were too rusted to use. We took the opportunity to explore.

***

We next headed toward the town center, finding another junkyard not far down the road. Just inside the gate two men in black t-shirts with blow torches and sledge hammers ripped apart old radiators to scrap the copper fittings. Once again, we told our story, asked about tanks, and wound up sitting and talking about biofuels and the politics of big oil for the better part of a half hour. The two men sipped on Bud Lights as they worked.

“Friday, drinkin’ day. Hey, an’ we recycle too,” one man joked, tossing an empty can on the growing pile.

After joking, rapping about politics and life for a bit with Charlie and Son’s, Alan and I walked into the labyrinth of scrapped cars and trucks. Strapped beneath a broken down tractor-trailer were two tanks that looked like they’d work. We clamored around under the chassis spraying degreaser on the rusted bolts to let it sit over-night.

Once home, I climbed underneath the bus to drain the oil pan. As black oil poured onto my hands, Black OilI heard my uncle mention something about a cake. My mind had been so caught in the tasks that needed to be done before our journey west, I had forgotten it was my birthday. The birthdays that once seemed so important were just distant memories. Now, I feel only a moment older with a new number for which people pay too much attention. But, tradition can sometimes be wonderful.

***

Mary’s eyes lit up, a big smile across her face. My sister looked around the room at each person unable to speak, but her unreserved emotions were written clearly across her face. On this occasion, she expressed amusement and the excitement at the flicker of candle flames and the crowd singing in unison. At some point over eighteen years, Mary figured out how to blow out the candles without spitting all over the cake. As she blew out the last candle, she immediately smiled and clapped as everyone joined in the applause.

Mom Dad MaryMy parents handed me a gift and a card. They never listen when I ask them not to buy me gifts. My father shrugged off the comment as if to say, ‘Don’t be ridiculous, of course we are giving you something for your birthday.’ I opened the card to find $150. I thanked them.

“You have a long trip ahead of you,” said my mother.

Aside from the fact that they provide me with so much already, there is another reason I ask my parents not to buy me gifts: I abhor the notion of buying gifts because society says we need to spend money to say I love you. I have my guitar, plenty of vintage thrift store clothes from “Salvation Armani,” my laptop and a stack of books that still need to be read. I don’t need anymore material possessions. They handed me a wrapped present. Once again, they must have thought I was being disingenuously polite, and once again they bought me a gift I won’t use.

“Bronson Arroyo? You got me a Bronson Arroyo CD?” I said in disbelief.

Ethan or Bronson?The sweaters I won’t wear, the grooming kit with the fancy toe-nail clippers and nose trimmers that I won’t use, and the gifts that might be useful someday but are totally unnecessary only bothered me a little. But, this was just silly. Bronson Arroyo is a pitcher who happens to resemble me. While I was getting my hair braided on the beach in East Africa, Bronson Arroyo was winning his first
World Series with the Red Sox, Bronson or Ethan?pitching with his blonde hair braided in cornrows. Upon my return home, I couldn’t braid my hair without getting called Bronson twenty times a day. It was frustrating and sort of a joke amongst my friends and family. But why my father bought me the CD of played out cover songs from some dude who happens to look like me boggles my mind.

After cake and ice cream, I went to the gym, the few moments of my day when I can stop thinking. Sometime afterward, my birthday came to an end while Alan worked on the bus into the early morning.

***

“You will be thirty before you know it,” my father cautions me, testing to see if I will settle down and get a “real job” soon. “You’re sister is 26 and a doctor. Your brother is 23 and will have his masters in six months.”

If someone asked me five years ago where I would be on my twenty-fifth birthday, I would never have guessed I would be foraging in junkyards for parts to my vegetable oil powered bus. I couldn’t have predicted the string of events and influences that brought me here, but right now, there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing.

“Law school will still be there in a few years. This is what I need to do now.” I told my father, who seemed reassured by my response.




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